On Witnessing Death

Caleb Harlan
5 min readApr 15, 2021

This post is intended for those that did not know Nolan, but were eye witnesses and first responders to his death. This will have benefit to other readers, but the intention in what I write is for a specific people.

Nobody can understand death. It feels abnormal because it is. The reason you feel the way you do today is because your body and mind were not created to witness and experience what you did. I know nothing about Nolan, but I know death as a 20 year old is not as it ought to be. It’s tragic and leaves us with many questions, much confusion, and traumatic visions and images that continue to reappear in our minds. What do we make of this? As Christians I want us to consider four different points: The Pain, The Perspective, The Purpose, and The Promise.

  1. The Pain

Before moving onto difficult questions, in which our answers will never satisfy, let us first stay in the pain. The pain you are experiencing right now is not worthless (2 Cor. 4:17). It’s pointing you to the heart of God. It’s pointing you to a deeper desire for communion with Him and a deeper hope for His renewal and return. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” (Rom. 8:18) In your suffering you are nearest to the blessed face of God and closest to the experienced comfort of His tenderness (Matt. 5:3–4).

In some mysterious way, the Lord of all Creation has power over all things because of His transcendence, while at the same time He is empathetic and sympathetic to our human existence because of His immanence. He understands our weakness (Heb. 4:15) and He weeps over death (Jn. 11:35). In our pain, the Spirit of Christ groans on our behalf as we await the coming of the fullness of God’s Kingdom (Rom. 8:23).

Pain is the assumed experienced of humanity. The Psalms are the prayerbook for the Christian and over 50% of them are Psalms of lament. God knew we needed guidance through pain, and that guidance is crying over how things are. Pain points us to the possibility that something has gone array, and to the hope that it will be fixed. To summarize C.S. Lewis, if our bodies feel hunger it’s because there must be food. In the same way, if we feel pain it’s because their must be wholeness. This is coming. The pain you are feeling is not worthless, so don’t try and avoid it.

2. The Perspective

Perspective is different then comparison. Comparison has the tendency to invalidate one’s experience. In regards to suffering, to compare your suffering to another’s, is to invalidate your emotional reaction: “well, I don’t have it as bad as _______.” But perspective is different.

The strangeness of Sunday was because death invaded in on a peaceful, sunny, and joyful day. One man experienced death as others experienced the delight of life. But in reality, and to bring perspective into this, death is being experienced all over the world right now as I type. Death is the only certainty we have. I will die and so will you. None of us know when, but we all know we will. This is a fact we tirelessly try to avoid or forget. But death happens. In fact, not only does death happen every second, but random and innocent death does. In fact, death as the result of injustice happens every day. Every moment that we experience delight we can be certain that simultaneously it’s someone’s darkest moment of grief and despair. Whether that is taking place 100 feet apart or 100 miles apart is only a matter of perspective.

We live in a society with the technological advancement to postpone death. We have medicine and medical procedures to detect, prevent, and cure sicknesses that would have led to death just 100 years ago. We have access to treatment that other countries don’t have access to today. In America, we work with every fiber of our being to stiff-arm away the reality of death. We work hard to avoid suffering. This is unique to humanity. In other generations and in places in our current generation, individuals come across death every day, week or month. But as a privileged American it’s not uncommon to meet someone who is yet to have experienced death for the first 20 years of their life. Perspective.

3. Purpose

One thing I find obvious from such tremendous tragedy is the renewed vision and purpose we find in our lives. Death knocks on the door, and as eye witnesses to such pain, we are reminded of the frailty and uncertainty of our lives. Tomorrow is never promised. How will this change how we move forward today? Every time death has knocked on my door I squeeze my kids and wife goodnight just a bit harder. As Christians we are reminded of our eternal purpose, to glorify God in all that we do, and spend our days enjoying Him. We are reminded of our participation in the church’s command, to make disciples of all nations. We are reminded of our imperative to love our neighbors as we wish to be loved. Death puts purpose back on the radar. It brings us to repentance as we confess the ways we have failed, and it renews our faith that He is for us, before us, ahead of us, and within us.

4. The Promise

“24 Then comes the end, when he (Jesus) delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death.” — 1 Cor. 15:24–26

The story of Scripture tells us of its fullness of it’s beauty in creation. Death was not found. Immortality was promised. Humankind rebelled and got what we deserved: death. The Curse ushered in darkness, where Satan and his rulers, authorities and powers now have dominion. As the Apostle John says, “we know that the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.” (1 Jn. 5:19) But Redemption is happening as we speak. God is at work on His Throne. And the Promise is that one day His work will be completed. We know the ending of the Story. The King will return to His earth. Heaven and earth will reunite. And this will come when death is destroyed. “Death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:4) This is the Promise. Do you know the One who makes that Promise?

Our days on earth are but a glimpse to eternity. Whether God decides to intervene at 20 years or 92 years, eternity is coming. Put that in perspective.

I am praying with you all, that you might draw near to the God of all comfort and find Him waiting with open arms. He is able to bring you peace in the face of tragedy.

With love,

Caleb

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Caleb Harlan

Husband, father (of 4!), pastor, friend, musician, and a very average writer.